"It's official: scientists prove why accountants are boring"

 — click here to see article from The Daily Telegraph, Tuesday, August 23, 2005

You might be surprised, but not all our members are accountants. Some are in insurance. There are
several dentists. And one easy-listening music critic. Once in a while, the non-accountants like to
have a little fun. Here's some of the things they josh the accountants about . . . especially those
"different" accountants from Arthur Andersen, those "flashy" accountants that tried to be different from
the normal (methodical, tedious, honest . . . dull) accountants that belong to the DMC:

 

Arthur Andersen . . . changing light bulbs

How many Arthur Andersen accountants does it take to change a light bulb?  Eleven.  One to reach up and change the light bulb.  Ten to try to find out why they didn’t know until now that the bulb was burned out. 

Arthur Andersen  . . . good new, bad news from Sadam Hussein

Good news: Sadam Hussein says he'll let arms inspectors back into Iraq.Bad news: He says they must come from Arthur Andersen.

[Overheard at the World Economic Forum in New York, February 2, 2002, according to CNN]

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

	Songs Accountants Like "Don't Be Accrual", "Account Your Many Blessings", and "Adjust Called to Say I Love You"
	What are the two types of accountants?

Those who can count . . . and those who can't. [Kelvin, thanks for this.]

 

His personality.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?

When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to sell insurance.

What's an extroverted accountant?

One who looks at your shoes instead of his own shoes when he's talking to you.

What's an auditor?

Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road?

Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world.

Those who can count and those who can't.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?

Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after him.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."