To go to Dear DMC (1st half, 2005), click here
To go to Dear DMC (4th quarter, 2005), click here
Les is more? –– Les has more on creosote
September 19, 2005
Dear DMC,
I apologise for not being more specific with the details on the ban of
creosote. It has been banned throughout the European Union since June 2003.
Full details can be found at www.hse.gov.uk/pesticides/creosote.htm . I would be
(mildly) interested to know if the ban has been embraced by the rest of the
European Union or if the UK stands alone in enforcing it.
Les
–– –– –– –– –– –– ––
[The above letter from Les was in response to our letter to
her on September 11. Click here to get to our exchange
letters with Les if you want to read them –– to see the whole
story.]
+ + + + + + + +
Dear Les,
The full set of materials on this are good for us to have. We printed out
them from the web site you referred us to. Eight pages: the directive, FAQs, the
list of affected products and the companies marketing these products. This is
great reading material for dull men.
Everyone we’ve given copies of the materials to so far have been quite
excited to have them.
We hope you continue to keep us informed about important matters like
this.
Sincerely,
DMC
Women use more words than men
September 19, 2005
Dear DMC,
Did you know that, according to recent research, if your web site were about women instead of men, it would be twice as big?
Here's the research:
A husband was reading an article to his wife about how many words
women use each day . . . 30,000 . . . compared to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "That's because we have to repeat everything to men."
The husband replied, "What?"
Sincerely,
Joe Kerr
Dull man in local park doing what needs to be done
(photographing park
benches, taking pigeon surveys) –– but then . . .
September 18, 2005
Dear DMC,
Brian and Howard meet every Monday after a hard day's auditing at their
local coffee house (not Starbucks) to discuss the important subjects . . .
interesting shopping lists they've found, household cleaning techniques, any new
'Honda for sale' adverts . . . and order their usual: cappuccino lite (easy on the
chocolate sprinkles), decaf of course.
The conversation follows its predictable course, until there is a lull in the
single sentence exchanges. Brian, having known Howard for seventeen years,
senses that there is a problem, an issue to resolve.
"So how was your weekend?" ventures Brian.
"Fine, except . . . ," Howard replies with a somewhat quizzical look on his
face " . . . something rather odd happened on Saturday." They both take a
moments pause to recognise the unfamiliar feeling of adrenalin rising.
It turns out that Howard had been at the local park, doing some park
bench and pigeon surveys. He was (typically) quite unaware that the penny had
dropped with the local female population, who were now frequenting the park in
search of a reliable and dependable partner.
Howard takes up the story: "I was totally absorbed in logging and
photographing the park benches in a quietish section of the park. All of a sudden
a very attractive young lady rode up to me on her bicycle. Then the oddest thing
happened. She took off all of her clothes, and told me that 'I could take what I
wanted' ".
Brian's curiosity is roused. "So what did you do?"
Howard "I took the bicycle."
Brian inevitably pondered for a moment and said:
"Good choice. The clothes wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Vernon
UK
+ + + + + + +
Dear Vernon,
This is reat, thanks. It’s an oldie goldie–– but don’t take that as a criticism.
It’s a compliment. Dull men like repetition –– dull men like oldies goldies. And
your adaptation is wonderful.
Sincerely,
DMC
Hurricanes –– let’s use numbers instead of names
September 18, 2005
Dear DMC,
Hurricane names — why can’t these be numbers instead?
How would you like it nowadays if your name were Katrina?
I don’t understand why we need to offend people by naming hurricanes after them.
I can understand having an airport named after you (JFK, Dulles Reagan), or a highway (FDR, Major Deagan, Beltway), or a building (Javits Convention Center, Chrysler Building, Trump Everything/Everywhere).
But why hurricanes?
Do we ask these people? How many Katrinas were asked about this beforehand?
They should use numbers. Dull men should prefer numbers. Numbers are fair, politically correct, and no chance of spelling mistakes.
Sincerely yours,
Nick Counter
Formerly of New Orleans
Ideas for dullmen.com –– one with potentially big annual savings
September 17, 2005
Dear DMC,
I have become a recent observer of your website but I am a bit dismayed
by the recent lack of activity. Let's not confuse dull with boring, dull is good,
boring is not. I think that a couple of new ideas would be in order.
For example has anyone considered analysing the carousel results to see
if there is any relationship between the direction of rotation of the carousel and
the vortex when flushing the airport toilets?
How about some money-saving ideas. Do you realise that the liquid that
drips from your car's aircon system when you park is actually deionised water,
people actually buy this in bottles. If you carry a tray around and collect this you
can use it in steam irons and save anything up to £1.50 per annum. I rest my
case.
Leslie J Edwards
+ + + + + + +
Dear Les,
As you say, you rest your case. As we say, what more can we say. You
make some excellent points. We will be following up on them. But slowly of
course. Lack of activity is our middle name.
Keep those emails flowing in to us.
DMC
Collecting snails –– but what to feed them?
September 16, 2005
Dear DMC,
I just read about this site in the Charlotte (NC) Observer last Sunday. It mentioned a woman who feeds snails. I searched the site, but couldn't find it. I have snails I collected a couple weeks ago and need to find out what to feed them. Can you help me out?
Thanks [exclamation point removed]
Garb
Charlotte, North Carolina
+ + + + + + +
Dear Garb,
Thank you for writing to us. In answer to your question about feeding snails, the first thing we think you should do is take your time to do it, no rushing.
As for the letter you are looking for, it’s a letter from a “Jill” on July 18, 2005, click here.
We also have a groaner about a snail, click here.
Keep those emails coming.
Sincerely,
DMC
Pylon pic from Spain – a not special pylon – a reliable pylon (did not fall during a dull man’s visit) – therefore a dull pylon
September 14, 2005
Dear DMC,
Attached please find nomination for pylon of the month. (why has that
feature disappeared – did you feel it was too lively?)
This magnificent specimen is located between Benissa and Teulada on
the Costa Blanca.
It's not special in any way and did not fail while we holidayed in the
"finca" it served.
Efficiency is truly boring - what less can I say.
With dull regards,
Trevor Cass
UK
+ + + + + + +
Dear Trevor,
Thank you for your email to us. It was inspiring. It inspired us to set up a new page: “Pylons Around the World.” Your picture is the first one to go up on this new page.
We think the page you were trying to find on our web site was the page with our link to the Pylon of the Month web site. That link is on our Approved Web Sites page, click here to get to it.
We truly appreciate your pioneering spirit –– prompting us to set up a new page on our web site. It’s almost too exciting for us to stand. We will sit down now and take a nice rest.
Sincerely,
DMC
How to Make a Snowglobe
September 12, 2005
Dear DMC,
Here's how to make a snowglobe:
http://www.ehow.com/how_17515_make-snow-globe.html
I can't find the snowglobe page.
Dennis Dimond
[from where?]
+ + + + + + +
Dear Dennis,
To get to our Snowglobes page, click here.
The URL for the page is: http://www.dullmen.com/snowglobes.htm
Sincerely,
DMC
Creosote banned –– creosoting fences is no longer safe excitement?
September 11, 2005
Dear DMC,
Your website has been recommended to me by a friend, I realise
that having a friend may disqualify me from participating but I thought I had to
comment on your articles regarding creosoting of
fences. This product is now
banned and so anyone creosoting their fence must be using old stock, probably
stored in their garden sheds for many years.
The modern alternative tends to be water based and does not soak into
the wood like real creosote, it provides little real protection to the wood.
Anyone
having a stock of creosote should realise the value of this obsolete product. It is
recommended that it is only applied after dark, firstly to avoid prosecution and
secondly so as not to advertise possession of this valuable commodity to
unscrupulous persons.
Leslie J. Edwards
[from where?]
+ + + + + + +
Leslie,
Many thanks for your email about creosote being banned. This is definitely
something we will be looking into and updating/correcting
the information we
have on our web site.
One question: where, which country or counties, is it banned?
It certainly is disappointing, isn't it, that a dull activity is disappearing.
We apparently can no longer have creosoting fences on our list of Safe
Excitement.
Sincerely,
DMC
More on UK combine harvester count
[Click here to get to September 3 email to us about this exciting topic]
September 10, 2005
Dear DMC,
John Deere told me to ask one of their dealers (based in Deal, Kent),
another manufacturer told me that the figures constituted strategic information
and they could not part with it. One company suggested annual total sales in UK
of 600-650 and a farmer passed on, that's a farmer passed on, not passed on
that Deere have sold 2,000 in the last ten years.
Your suggestion of the government website won't work - it is for Northern
Ireland only. Defra won't answer. DVLA don't know because most are not
licensed (they don't need to be if they are used within three road miles of their
base. The statistical office don't record combine harvester sales separately, but
go to their website to find plenty of startling retail figures.
Back in Simple's, where life is far from dull, guesses have ranged from
three (James ought to get out more) to Franco's of 27,000. We need to know
quickly as they'll soon be put away for the winter. Perhaps we ought to join them.
John Parker
Simon's Pub
Canterbury, Kent
+ + + + + + +
Dear John,
Your last sentence may be the answer. We join the combines as they are put away for the winter. We could spend the winder counting them. That would be a fun way for dull men to spend the winter.
DMC
Ned’s Picnic Tables
September 9, 2005
Dear DMC,
Whenever I find myself getting too excited I visit this site to see comfort.
http://spaces.msn.com/members/retracsweden/
My collection of picnic table pictures, possibly suitable for other dull men.
Ned Carter
Uppsala, Sweden
+ + + + + + +
Dear Ned,
Wow. Sixty-one stunning pictures of picnic tables. It almost makes us wish we were allowed to use exclamation marks.
DMC
Stainless Steel Major Products from Yongkang, China
Certificated by ISO9001
September 8, 2005
Dear Sirs,
We are the leading manufacture of the Stainless Steel Products in
Yongkang, China for many years. For our quality, management and service have
been certificated by ISO9001. We have specialised in manufacturing stainless steel
major products as following for your reference:
1. Vacuum Thermos Falsk;
2. Auto/car Mug Series;
3. Tourist Bottle Series; 4. Coffee Pot Series;etc
we are factory so our price is very lowest,if you interesting in our products,
pls tell me.
Candy Ing
Yongkang, China
+ + + + + + +
Dear Candy,
Thank you Candy for informing us about these products. If any of our readers are interesting in your products, we are sure they will contact you.
It is especially good to know that your quality, management and service
have been certificated by ISO9001. Congratulations on this are certainly in order.
It is a supreme achievement indeed.
Good luck,
DMC
Out of Africa –– a view about timekeeping
September 5, 2005
Dear DMC,
In parts of Africa, where I now live, the filo-fax (and those other things that work on batteries) have been discarded.
Appointments are made for ’tomorrow afternoon’ or, if it’s a reallyimportant thing, and if you really must, you are allowed to be specific and add ’about tea time’.
Watching cabbages is mainly what I do here, although sometimes I help my friend watch his potatoes (but this is not so much fun since you can’t really see them)
This gives me time to contemplate time itself and this, in turn, has led me to question the illegality and stressful habits of breaking time down into smaller pieces (eg; hours and days).
Why is this necessary?
It’s about time that someone spoke up against forced time-keeping. It’s a simple concept really: the day begins when the Sun rises and ends when it sinks.
Beyond that there is no need to be any more precise.
The calendar is a gregorian hoax which continues to plague our lives.
Stand up (or sit up if that’s more comfortable) and defy the diarypublishers [exclamation mark removed]
Chris
South Africa
UK Combine Harvester Count Needed
September 3, 2005
Dear DMC,
Could anyone please tell me how many combine harvesters there are in the uk at the moment?
It is a matter of great concern in simple simons pub in canterbury.
Richard Dickson
+ + + + + + +
Dear Richard,
What a great question. In addition to the folks in your pub there in Canterbury, there no doubt are countless others who would be interested knowing the answer to this.
Several suggestions:
You could contact the UK Department of Agriculture and Rural
Development. Here is their web site: http://www.dardni.gov.uk/.
They no doubt have a nice and helpful dull man on there staff who
records this type of vital information.
You could contact combine harvester manufacturers. Here is John
Deere’s web site: http://www.deere.com/en_GB/
You could obtain a satellite photo of the UK and count the
combines yourself. We think this would be the most fun way to go
about this.
By the way, we checked out your pub on the Internet:
http://weblingua.hostinguk.com/invictaweb/
canterburybuildings/pages/simpsim.htm.
It looks like fine setting to be discussing combine harvesters.
Please let us know whether we can be of further assistance.
Sincerely yours,
DMC
Lawn diarist makes headlines
September 3, 2005
Dear DMC,
One worthy Briton has, for 20 years, chronicled the length of the grass on his lawn during each month of the growing season according to today's Daily Telegraph.
He has, as I understand it, made some astonishing discoveries when
comparing the years of growth which may be very interesting to the scientific establishment.
a (no superlatives) dull woman from Kent UK,
Sophie Lawrence
+ + + + + + +
Dear Sophie,
We had heard about that article and were so pleased to receive your email about it. Until hearing from you, we didn’t know which paper to look in.
We found the article and have now cut and pasted the article below.
Our congratulations to David Grisenthwaite for his meaningful contribution to the science of global warming.
Thank you so much,
DMC
Web Cam Traveling – Washington State Ferries
September 2, 2005
Dear DMC,
Watch the ferry go out, watch it come back. No seasickness, no chilling breeze.
MM Ford
+ + + + + + +
Dear MM Ford,
Your name is appropriate to be advising on how to cope with ferries. If nothing else works, ford the stream.
Or are we all wet in suggesting this?
Happy travels,
DMC
When it comes to women, will dependable dull men have
the last laugh?
September 2, 2005
Dear DMC,
If dull men are the future why is it we don't get the woman we want?
As we see all the time women go after the exciting and glamorous type or is it about to change and the dependable dull guy is going to have the last laugh.
Shant
+ + + + + + +
Dear Shant,
Why don’t you get the woman you want? Perhaps you
are looking in the wrong places. Some years back, the library was a good place to look. A librarian makes a fine companion. Times are changing. Perhaps in a computer store is the place to look now. There are usually many more men than women in computer stores. But, if you see a woman, try talking with her. Tell her, for example, how big your hard drive is – how many gigs, we mean.
Yes, we think that at the end of the day dependable dull men will have the last laugh. Women like – really appreciate – dull men. As it says on the backs of our caps for ladies [click here] – predictable, reliable, safe.
Good luck,
DMC
Exclamation mark discovered — and removed
August 31, 2005
Dear DMC,
Oh dear, I've just discovered an exclamation mark in "Dear DMC" – it's almost enough to
make me use one myself.
Melanie Fawcett signed off with one May 9th and you have yet to delete the thing.
Sorry if I have caused any excitement.
D. Ullman
+ + + + + +
Dear D. Ullman,
Congratulations on your vigilance – discovering this exclamation mark.
Congratulations also the will power you exhibited in overcoming the urge to use an
exclamation mark yourself.
This has now been remedied.
Yours in dullness,
DMC
Motorway Service Stations — why always on county lines?
August 29, 2005
Dear DMC,
Why, in England, are all motorway service stations always located on the borders between counties?
It's a dull question but it has been bugging me for a while.
Andrew Wilkinson
+ + + + + + +
To our readers,
Can anyone help with this question? We’d like to get our arms around this issue.
Thanks
DMC
Creosoting the Fence
August 29, 2005
Dear DMC,
I read with great interest the column about dullness in The Sunday Times’ News Review yesterday.
As for Alan Shearer celebrating by creosoting the fence, he is not alone. One of my favorite authors, Colin Dexter, is now enjoying his retirement by creosoting the fence [click here]. These guys truly know how to enjoy themselves.
Regards,
Paige Turner
DMC’s cover blown
August 28, 2005
Our cover is blown. The DMC received nearly half a page of coverage in The
Sunday Times today [click here]. Together with comments from the founder of
the site. I think that makes him exciting [exclamation mark removed] What to do
— stare at him lots?
Please excuse the exclamation mark, however I have been reading a book on punctuation.
dull woman
US mail boxes have dates on them,which we assume are the dates they were manufactured
August 28, 2005
Dear DMC,
Has anyone -- perhaps apart from US citizens that is -- realised/noticed that the
metal US Post boxes that are located on the pavement (sidewalk) in US towns
and cities are all dated?
Checking this out when walking in the average US town/city makes for a really
dull experience . . . the more so if the pavement is crowded as your need to halt momentarily causes all other activity to lurch to a halt.
The earliest box I have spotted was dated 1944 but I am sure there must be
older examples . . . doesn't it make your heart glad to know this?
As a newcomer to dull men, when I eventually found the website I knew I had
finally come home.
Trevor Cass
+ + + + + + +
Dear Trevor,
That is truly fascinating information.
And it is a good reason for dull men to visit the US.
Thank you.
DMC
Porto Portugal reporting in to us
August 26, 2005
Dear DMC,
I have just received a postcard from my brother who's on holiday in Portugal. It
states, "Have just left Porto airport. All Carousels are clockwise." He underlined the word clockwise.
I wonder if you might add it to your database.
Regards,
Sam Nall
A vote for square manhole covers
August 25, 2005
Dear DMC,
Round vs. Square Man-hole Covers
It may be that round covers were devised by un-dull men so that dull men could appreciate square ones.
Being a dull man I've also been told I'm square so I have difficulty fitting into the round holes. (No exclamation mark.)
I appreciate square covers.
wibbow
+ + + + + + +
Dear Wibbow,
We understand your feelings.
While dull men usually don’t like to stray too far from the norm, and round manhole covers apparently are the norm, we think that in this situation it is fine to go for square covers. There is a nice symmetry about square covers.
And it gives dull men something to do — they can meander around (dull men like to meander) checking on whether the square covers are lined up right, whether they are square with the world.
Squarely yours,
DMC
Dulling down Windows XP bright blue toolbar
August 24, 2005
Dear DMC
I have been an avid follower of your site for several years so i thought i would inform you of my recent bit of excitement I have just upgraded my computer to windows xp and when it was all installed I broke out in a cold sweat when I saw that it had bright blue tool bar and task bar so that was too exiting for me luckily I was able to change to something more in keeping a light grey which is far more acceptable to me no commas full points or paragraphs as i realize these are too exiting for readers
ken smith
+ + + + + +
Dear Ken,
Thank you for your email to us. It is great to hear that you have been an avid follower of our site for several years.
You have provided a fun thing for our readers to do – to add punctuation and capitalization to your letter. No exclamation points, of course. We are not worried about that occurring, however, as we see nothing in your letter to us that merits an exclamation point. A truly dull letter – congratulations.
DMC
Manhole Covers of Japan
August 19, 2005
Dear DMC,
Just a suggestion for another web-site for your listings - Manhole Covers of Japan:
http://www.frangipani.info/gallery/manholes_of_japan?page=1
I haven't really looked at it myself – I just couldn't bothered.
Pete Bryan
+ + + + + + +
Dear Pete,
Thank you for this information. This is a good reason for dull men to visit Japan.
Looking at manhole covers is easy for dull men to do. Dull men often look that way anyway. Dull men often look at their shoes when talking to someone. To look at a manhole cover takes only a slight adjustment of sight.
Do you know what an example of an extroverted dull man is? When he talks to you he looks at your shoes instead of his own shoes.
Around the world: Your email prompted us to search deeper (pun intended) into the subject of manhole covers. We found outstanding web sites on this subject. Click here for beautiful pictures of manhole covers in Cuba, France, Spain, Switzerland, California, and elsewhere. And click here for the History of Manhole Covers.
Why round? Fascinating question: why are manhole covers round? It’s because manholes are round.
India’s Role: Another interesting bit of trivia – India is the world’s largest manufacturer of manhole covers. Click here. This is interesting – computer work is not the only business being outsourced to India.
Sincerely,
DMC
Problem licked — what do with leftover lolly sticks
August 17, 2005
Members may have been concerned about the problem of what to do with left-over lolly sticks. This problem took some licking but it has now been solved, as the link explains.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4157182.stm
Steve Reszetniak
+ + + + + + +
Dear Steve,
Thank you for the fascinating BBC news article the Viking longboat. No doubt there were dull men involved with this project. Who else would have had the patience and perseverance to do build this?
And certainly a dull man was there to count the lolly sticks — all 15,000,000 of them. What fun.
DMC
The controversy about words that rhyme with Orange continues?
August 15, 2005
On the 'rhymes with orange' point. For Christmas many years ago I received a hilarious book titled 'Mr Bean's Diary'. I recall Mr Bean stating that "nothing rhymes with orange, except perhaps lozenge".
Also, I had the displeasure to hear a 'song' by the odious miscreant Eminem. Amidst the dirge I heard the word orange successfully rhymed with the word syringe.
I thought it important to inform you.
Yours sincerely,
Andy McLachlan
An enthusiastic contributor to our site – but over the top?
She certainly is an example of women not being dull
August 15, 2005
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
I LOVE DULL MEN
ALL MY BEST REGARDS MAY YOUR DULLNESS SHINE FOR ETERNITY
LOVE N PEACE JILL XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
+ + + + + + +
Dear Jill,
Thank you for your enthusiastic response to our email to you with the link you were asking about to the Pylon of the Month web site:
[http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/bigh/bigh/pylonof.htm].
We appreciate your undying support. May you never die.
As always (a fitting salutation for dull men – who thrive on consistency),
DMC
Blorange Mountain (in Wales) — rhymes with orange
August 12, 2005
Hello again all you lovely dull gentlemen,
I was reading your trivia page and I saw that Andy Mardo has written in that nothing rhymes with Orange. I would like to say that we have a mountain near us called the Blorange . . . does this count as a rhyming term for Orange? I am not sure it does but I thought I would ask.
all my best wishes
Jill xx
+ + + + + + +
Dear Jill,
Congratulations [exclamation mark withheld, very reluctantly]
You made a breakthrough — you found a word that rhymes with orange [another exclamation mark withheld, even more reluctantly]
To confirm this, we were able to reach our Director of Welsh Research, Bob Kingdom, on his cell phone in Edinburgh (performing at the Edinburgh Festival). Bob pronounced Blorange to us. To our ears, it rhymed with orange.
Gratefully yours [dull men have much to be grateful for],
DMC
Pylons missing? We think not
August 12, 2005
Message Type ~ Question
Um . . . where have the pylons gone? I have tried to find them but nothing . . . please advise I am going a little crazy without them, also I have a nice photo of a corner pylon I was going to send you
all my love
jill xx
+ + + + + + +
Dear Jill,
The pylons are still there. Here is the link to that wonderful web site:
http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/bigh/bigh/pylonof.htm
We would be most grateful to have your photo of that pylon. Could you email it to us?
Sincerely (as always, mostly),
DMC
A super dull man — anything wrong with that?
August 12, 2005
Message Type ~ Question
Dear DMC,
Is it so wrong to be a super dull man? What are the down sides of being a dull man? I like being dull, is that normal?
Eugene Zuger
+ + + + + + +
Dear Eugene,
As far as we are concerned, there’s nothing at all wrong with being a super dull man. The duller, the better, we think.
There are varying degrees of dullmen, as you apparently recognize.
As for downsides, that’s a good question. We know of no downsides. There are people, however, who ask us, “Who wants to be dull?” They just don’t get it.
Sincerely,
DMC
Letter from a serial lover of dull men
8th season of ABC's "The Bachelor" — casting call for dull men?
August 11, 2005
Hi: Dull Men's Club
I think my husband qualifies for the club. He has a doctorate, in Physics. He studied solutions, basically waves. I had another husband and he was even duller. He has a masters degree, in geological science. He studied the mud of Kansas. I have a grandfather who is dull. He was a chemist for 30 years at Proctor & Gamble. He worked on the Pampers team, making diapers waterproof and disposable. A horrible invention for the environment, but it was his job. Do I fall in love with dull men because I have dull male figures in my life? Would Freud say I am a serial dull man lover because I have only ever known dull men?
A friend sent me a casting call request for a new American Reality TV Show. I think you guys might be too dull for it, but as they want smart people I am sharing it with you. Are all dull guys also smart?
From: "Astra Schwartz Dorf"
Subject: Seeking: Intellectual male for the Bachelor on ABC [exclamation point removed]
My friend is casting the 8th season of The Bachelor for ABC. And needs to find a tall, handsome, professional guy who wants to be whisked away to Paris for 6 weeks this fall and live in a mansion with 20 babes. This season they really want the guy to be more of an intellectual. A doctor, a lawyer . . . .
Email me with a pic if you are interested [exclamation point removed]
Thanks [exclamation point removed]
Astra PS Dorf
Cheers,
Mrs. Lisa Devaney
A Groaner — about a chain
August 7, 2005
Dear DMC,
A man was dragging a chain in the streets all around town.
The sheriff stopped him and asked why he was dragging the chain.
The man replied, “Have you ever tried pushing a chain?”
Ellis Megee
Tub in Field – on an Austrian mountainside
August 5, 2005
Dear DMC
This is more of a tub on the side of a mountain, pictured by my grandson (Jake Hardy) at Bichlalm in Austria.
I would have taken the photograph myself, but my mobile phone is too dull to do that sort of thing easily.
Steve Reszetniak
Rust Knowledge and Appreciation
July 24, 2005
Dear DMC,
I am a happily dull man who has experienced moderate, though subdued enjoyment while viewing your site. I thought that you, and perhaps other dull men everywhere, might enjoy a site created by one of my colleagues that is dedicated entirely to knowledge and appreciation of rust. It can be found at:
www.rusted.0nyx.com
Sincerely,
Willem Roary
Ralph finds the answer to happiness
July 22, 2005
MessageType ~ Praise
Message ~ For years I pursued excitement, always thinking that would lead to happiness. It was a never-ending spiral, not leading upward to the nirvana of happiness, but instead, casting me down with one crushing disappointment after another. Then, oh yes, then I discovered your site. The thick haze of disappointment magically cleared from my eyes when I realized I had been searching in the wrong place, the wrong direction. Suddenly you opened up a wonderful new vista for me. How could I have been so blind? Now I know the truth. Satisfaction lies not in excitement but in the opposite: dullness. Lest I be judged too excited I will stop here and contemplate the endless emptiness of my humble little business.
Ralph
Exclamation Point Spotted, and Removed
July 19, 2005
MessageType ~ Complaint
Dear DMC,
I notice on your home page you state that your site is free of exclamation points. This is unfortunately not true since not more than a few centimeters from these words is a banner ad for hair restoration that containes . . . an exclamation point. Imagine my dismay.
Other than that, I commend you on the peaceful lack of that offending punctuation mark.
Sincerely,
S D Atherly
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Dear SD,
Thank you for pointing this point out to us. We have removed it.
It is the constant diligence of readers like you that allows our web site to be as unexciting as possible.
Sincerely [dull men are always sincere, mostly],
DMC
Snail Feeding
July 18, 2005
MessageType ~ Praise
Dear DMC
im not a chap but i love your site
i enjoy watching snails eating powder milk . . . i sprinkle powder milk on perspex and watch the slugs and snails from underneath . . .
dull men are wonderful . . . i love the pylons . . . ty so much guys
love jill x
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Dear Jill,
This is fab [should dull men even use the word “fab”?].
This is a wonderful form of safe excitement. We will put it up on our Safe Excitement page, and give credit to you.
Support from ladies like you is much appreciated.
Sincerely [dull men are always sincere].
DMC
Maintaining a collection of his weekly time sheets for 5.5 years qualifies
July 8, 2005
Dear DMC,
I have worked for Ericsson (which has a reputation as a dull company) for 5 1/2 years. During that time I have collected all my weekly time sheets, both the white draft copies and the blue final copies. I keep them all in a plastic wallet in my desk drawer. I hope this is dull enough for the club.
John Whapshott
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John,
Yes, you qualify. Congratulations [exclamation point withheld]
Sincerely [dull men are always sincere],
DMC
Am I a dull man?
July 1, 2005
Dear DMC,
I'm sure I qualify as a dull man. I don't drink, smoke, or gamble. I never drive faster than the speed limit. I have been married to the same woman for 49 years. I am a retired teacher. I ride a motor scooter. My name is Howard. My car is a Toyota Camry. My truck has two-wheel drive. I have lived in the same brick ranchstyle house for 34 years. I raise a garden. I don't have a beard and there is only a modest amount of hair on my head. My idea of a night out is dinner at the Taco Bell. Can I get any duller than that?
Howard
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Dear Howard,
It was going good until we got to the end of your letter.
Taco Bell? Isn’t their food spicy?
Sincerely (dull men are always sincere, mostly),
DMC
Dear DMC,
I know this may be a case of preaching to the converted, but I just wanted to say that speed limits are just that, limits. They are not an instruction about how fast you have to drive. I keep to a sensible 20mph in 30mph zones, 25mpn in 40mpn zones, and a steady 50mph on the motorway. I usually drive in the fast lane of the motorway, not for the thrill, just to help other drivers to be aware of their speed.
C. Areful
To go to Dear DMC (first half 2005) click here