How to Meet (or Breed) a Dull Man 

An interview by our Mia Nackard of Grover Click*

Grover, welcome to Wipe. Let’s start at the beginning. Why on earth would a woman want to meet a Dull Man? 

Well, Mia, there are several reasons. First of all, I think the reason we hear most is that Dull Men are reliable. That’s what a woman usually wants. Or should want. Someone who is dependable, someone they can count on. 

A Dull Man helps around the house. He picks up after himself. He puts things away neatly. He wipes up. That’s what attracted us to your magazine. We are often found going around the house wiping things. 

By the way, we like the way that you, like us, are giving a good name to a four letter word. Did you realize that? 

No, I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you for pointing it out. Are there other reasons to meet a Dull Man? 

Yes. Think about it. You are better off dating or married to a Dull Man. Some women are single parents now because they married a flash guy. If they’d married a Dull Man, they’d probably still be married.

And when you are at party with a Dull Man, you won’t need worry about someone stealing him from you. Your girl friends will be looking at the exciting guys. They won’t bother with your dull date. What self-respecting girl would be caught looking at a guy with one of those plastic pocket protectors in his shirt pocket. 

Now let’s turn to the key questions—how to meet or breed a Dull Man

Let’s take your questions  in order. Dull Men like to take things in order. First, how to meet a Dull Man. You need to meet one first before the breeding can begin, right? 

Are you saying that being a Dull Man is environmental instead of genetic?

I’m not sure. I think it is more environmental. But I’d be interested in hearing other views. If any of your readers have thoughts about this, they could write in to Wipe. Or email me at dullmen@aol.com or through our web site www.dullmen.com. 

To meeting a Dull Man, how should I dress, what should I wear? 

Basically you should dress down. Nothing flashy. If you have fancy clothes, bright colors, you might think about not wearing them. Dress like you bought your clothes from C&A. Somber colors. Grays, navy blue. Beige or taupe are okay also. 

So where should I look?

 There are a number of places. You can start off with: 

·        Book stores. Go to the Reference Section. Dull Men like dictionaries. Words arranged in order in dictionaries, not scattered all around the place like in novels. 

·        Also look in the Self-Help Section. Soon I hope you’ll see a Dull Man there looking for a book that I’m writing, Zen and the Art of Filing. 

·        Don’t bother going to the Occult Section.

 ·        You can also look in the Music Section of the store. Look for men looking at Easy-Listening music albums. And perhaps Classical. But not Rock-and-Roll.

 ·        Another store might be a stationary store. Look for men looking at the pencils, perhaps deliberating whether to buy a number 2 or a number 2½. Or looking at the paper clips and staplers, perhaps deliberating whether it is better to fasten papers together using paper clips or a stapler. 

·        Or a computer store, where customers are mostly men, and most are Dull. 

That’s very helpful. Good tips. Anywhere else?

Yes. Try to find a man painting a house. Wait until he finishes. Then see whether he stays around to watch the paint dry.

And pharmacies. Go for a guy buying dental floss. Particularly if he is comparing prices of the various brands.

What about a gym?

Yes, that can be a good place. Look for the guys dressed in all gray. Not anyone dressed on those razzel dazzle colors one sees in gyms nowadays. And don’t bother if he’s wearing a cap backwards.

You are likely to find the dull guys on the treadmills. Exciting people don’t use the treadmills – they say treadmills are dull. Which is good – it leaves them free for us.

Do you go to the gym yourself?

Yes, I go to the gym several times a week.

What to you do there?

 I jog 20 minutes on a tread mill. And then I do a sit up. 

One sit up?

 Yes. And I’m quite proud of that. I can get all the way up now. By myself

That’s great, Grover, well done. And especially congratulations on that sit up. Unfortunately, that brings us to the end of our time. Thank you ever so much. We look forward to talking more with you next month.

Grover Click is assistant vice present of the International Council of Dull Men. Grover assures us that assistant vice present is the highest office the council has.

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