Blog — "Dullog"
Click here to get to where we saw this: https://twitter.com/unclewilco
I saw this story on the BBC News iPhone App and thought you should see it: 'First' cabbage hurling contest – cabbages are being hurled from large catapult-like machines in what is claimed to be the first sporting event of its kind.
Dear DMC,
This Father's Day I've noticed many of our members are bachelors. I'm wondering why. This email about helping a friend decide whether to get married that I received recently may explain it, at least to some extent:
A guy brings his best buddy home for dinner.
His wife screams, "You [expletive and exclamation pint deleted] My hair and makeup aren't done, the house is a mess, the dishes aren't done, I'm still in my pajamas, and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight [exclamation point deleted]"
Read more: Father's Day — but why do some dull men remain single?
A reader emailed an article to us from a Brisbane newspaper about the importance of wearing underwear. The article is a bit risque but as it's the weekend perhaps it'll be OK if we let our hair down (not sure what our bald members should do).
Dull men always wear underwear, usually boxers. But others reading this might profit from it.
7th annual "Shed of the Year" — 8 finalists announced
Workshop/studio category winner Luke Hollingworth
The winners in each of the eight categories of sheds have been announced. They are now in the running to be crowned 2013 Shed of the Year. The coronation will take place during Shed Week — July 1-6.
There were 1,975 entrants and 14,000 voters this year.
The eight categories are:
- Eco shed — "Eco Bike Høøse" by Marcus Sheilds, Camden
- Garden office — "Nest Design Studio" by Jonathan Sullivan, Modbury in Devon
- Cabin/summer house — "Cabin Habit" by Abigail Walker, Pangbourne in Berkshire
- Workshop/studio — "The Stencil Shed" by Luke Hollingworth, Malmesbury in Wiltshire
- Unique shed — "Boat Roofed Shed" by Alex Holland, Cambrian Mountains in Wales
- Pub shed — "3 Steps Bar" by Garry Logan, Ayrshire in Scotland
- TARDIS shed — by David Lifton, Chelmsford in Essex
- Normal shed — "Queen Emma Galleon" by Clare Kapma-Saunders, Southampton
The event is sponsored by Cuprinol, a UK company headquartered in Frome, that produces paints and stains for sheds and garden furniture.
Information sources:
• Pictures and descriptions of the 8 winning sheds: http://www.shedblog.co.uk/2013/06/11/the-finalists-for-shed-of-the-year-2013-announced/
• The Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/11/shed-of-year-love-garden
• The Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/10112493/Shed-of-the-year.html?frame=2586637
Dear DMC,
A telegraph pole, thought to be Britain's oldest working example, has been retired after 119 years.
Read more: Breaking News from Scotland: 119-year-old Telegraph Pole Retires
Dear DMC,
I have recently joined this group: http://www.bench-marks.org.uk/ who are devoted to spotting and recording bench marks in the UK.
Now we know, thanks to a recent article "Who Made That Eye Chart?" in The New York Times and to Lenore Rosenerg for forwarding the article to us:
• Before the eye chart, choosing eyeglasses was done by self diagnosis. Speculative picking of spectacles.
• Some sellers would categorize spectacles by wearers' ages since vision worsens for most people as they get older. Age categories were scratched into the lenses.
• Dr. Franciscus Donders in the Netherlands came up with a way of diagnosing vision failings. He would have patneits look at a chard on a wall and describe what they saw. He was too busy to make charts himself so he asked his colleague, Herman Snellen, to do it.
• Snellen first used dingbats — squares, circle, plus signes, etc. — on the charts. Then he realized letters made more sense, easier to identiy and describe.
Hermann Snellen
• The chart was an instant hit and spread all across Europe
• The first big order came from the British Army; they astutely realized that good vision helps when firing guns.
• More copies of the Snellen Chart have been sold in the United States than any other poster.
Bland enough to be a tourist destination for dull men?
Bland is seeking to triple with Dull and Boring.
Dull and Boring recently twinned, click here to read about this on our blog.
Bland was named after William Bland, a not dull obstetrician from England. He was convicted of murder after winning a duel. Then imprisoned in Australia. Click here to read more about this proposed tripling and about William Bland in The Telegraph.
May 31, 2013
An event not to be missed . . . if you're in the Washington DC area tomorrow, Saturday June 1:
Click here to sign up for this
If you answer "yes" to 12 or more of these 15 questions, you are certifiable as a dull man:
- Have you ever had an urge — and you were able to get over it?
- Is gray one of your favorite colors?
Hello
I recently came across your website thanks to UK gossip e-zine, Popbitch. The luggage carousel page is genius. How do I become a dull man?
Anyway, I noticed you don't have information about Moldova's only airport, Chisinau International Airport. Moldova's pretty small but I think that we still deserve to be on your page. So just to let you know - the carousel runs counter clockwise.
Cheers
Johnny McKellar
from Scotland living in Moldova :)
30 May 2013
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Thanks Johnny . . . how do you become a dull man?
Research is underway to find out whether it's congenital or environmental or both. From what we've seen so far, some men are born dull. Other men have dullness thrust upon them.
Recently one of our members was describing various ways he thinks dullness was thrust upon him. One was his mother putting silencers on his rattles.
To know whether in fact you are a dull man, we have a 15-question test, click here.
• Reno/Tahoe International Airport [RNO] — clockwise
Thanks Andy Banta for reporting this
• Macerio, Brazil [ ] — counterclockwise
Thanks Rob Harbour for report this
Dear DMC
On the one hand, it isn’t very warm. On the other hand, people are buying more slippers. This is reassuring news from BBC for Dull Men: "Late spring: 10 consequences of the late spring."
Best wishes
Steve Reszetniak
London
Read more: Breaking News from BBC London: Surge in Slipper Sales
A quote that's right up our alley — "Slow motion gets you there faster" — it's from Hoagy Carmichael (1899-1981), composer ("Stardust," "Georgia on My Mind").
This quote came to mind recently when we were reading about the Boston Marathon and the bombing — and noticed pictures of the Tortoise and Hare sculpture in Copley Square.
The tortoise and hare were chosen as a metaphor for those runners whose only goal is to finish — finishing gives them a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.
Many of these runners end up walking, not running, over the finish line. Persistence pays off. Slow and steady gets them to their goal.
We'll be adding the quote to the scroll that's near the top of our Home Page.
This is the type of safe excitement we like — soup will now be even more enjoyable to eat (drink?).
This breaking news was published recently in The Spectator. Thanks to Steve R from London for bringing this to our attention.
Soup . . . eat . . . drink . . . or slurp? This important topic was has been discussed in The Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-50664,00.html
I arrived in Spokane last night. Although I was traveling with carryon on this trip, it didn't keep me from checking out the luggage carousels.
Counterclockwise.
One thing I was curious about as regards Spokane's airport — perhaps you have been curious about this too — why is its the code "GEG."
I googled and found this fascinating answer:
In 1941, the Department of the Defense purchased the area then known as "Sunset Field" from Spokane County for a World War II B-17 and C-47 training facility. Following the acquisition, they renamed the facility Geiger (GEG) Field in honor of Major Harold C. Geiger, a pioneer in Army aviation and ballooning. In 1946, a portion of the airfield was designated a municipal airport, and commercial airline operations were moved from Felts Field to Geiger Field. In 1960, the facility was renamed Spokane International Airport.
Why the horse on the carousel? It probably has something to do with the Looff Carrousel in River Front Park, which is discussed on our Park Benches Appreciation Society group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/340204639412375/
"Grammar rules everyone should follow" in The Guardian
Following the inaugural Bad Grammar awards, Thomas Jones lists nine grammatical conventions that, depending on context, you may – sorry, might – as well adhere to
"Johnson once shaved off the hair on his arms to see how long it would take to grow again."
This is from Julia Allen’s Swimming with Dr Johnson and Mrs Thrale, reviewed recently in the Times Literary Supplement (TLS): http://www.the-tls.co.uk/tls/public/article1255863.ece
On the dullness scale, this is up there along with watching paint dry and grass grow. But not in the same league as watching trees grow and the pitch drop fall.
The review comments on Johnson’s persistence, clearly a hallmark of a dull man. He spent years researching even the most mundane of words. His sentences were monotonous.
Should we establish a page for Postmortem Dull Men?
Watching paint dry is breathtaking compared to waiting for the next drop from the Queensland University's Pitch Drop Study.
But excitement is rising now. Professor John Mainstone, who has run the experiment since the 1960s, says because a ninth drop looks set to emerge from the pitch block in the very near future.
Read more: Breaking News from Pitch Drop Experiment — 9th drop expected soon
Transport for London announced that it's beginning implementing a 20 mph speed limit an on experimental basis for the Waterloo Roundabout, the roundabout that circles the IMAX theatre.
Read more: Breaking news from London — 20 mph speed limit for Waterloo roundabout
Three British hikers have spent the last four years expanding their hobby of hillwalking to measuring hills that are close to mountain status (mountain status defined as more than 2,000 feet high [609.6 meters]).
"Generally, we look at maps and look for hills that are close to the 609 meter mark and then go and measure it."
The hikers are:
• John Barnard (retired research chemist from Mold, Wales).
• Graham Jackson (retired research chemist from Cheshire).
• Myrddyn Phillips (retired manager of a printing company from Shrewsbury.
They have measured over 100 hills in England, Scotland, and Wales since 2008. They do this with GPS survey equipment made by Leica and costing £10,000.
They have turned two hills into mountains:
• Recently their work resulted in Thack Moor in the Cumbrian Penines being reclassified from hill to mountain.
• In 2008 their work resulted in Mynydd Graig Goch in Snowdonia being reclassified from from hill to mountain.
Their next target is Illgill Head at Wastwater in the Lake District.
All three of these hills had been measured to be 1,998 high according to Ordnance Surveys.
Although it's always a possibility, so far no mountain has been downgraded to a hill. Jackson says, "It's much more fun to add, rather than subtract height. We get a particular pleasure from seeing things promoted rather than relegated to a lower division."
8 May 2013 
Have you been longing to be in a curling competition but don’t like to be out on cold ice?
How about cheese rolling on the streets of a charming village?
Read more: Stilton Cheese Rolling — photos are rolling in from Monday's annual event
Jobs that are perfect for dull men to perform are being taken over by machines. An article "Last of a Breed: Postal Workers Who Decipher Bad Addresses" in the New York Times reports on the closings of one of the two remaining centers where postal workers, called "Data Conversion Operators." try to read addresses scribbled on envelopes and labels that machines can't read.
A while back, there were 55 centers that did this. It is now down to two and soon will be only one.
That's the bad news, that dull jobs are disappearing. The good news is the vastly improved reading ability of mail sorting equipment — but does that then mean there's more bad news — that this is just one of many examples of dull jobs being replaced by machines?
[we're researching now for examples of dull job being replaces by machines, and examples of dull jobs of running these machine — stay tuned, come back to this page from time to time to see how we're coming along with this]
Thanks to Gloria Hernandez for informing us about this article — posting in on our Facebook Timeline.
"The Poetry of Compost," by Paul Kingsnorth in Ecologist, May 2009
Our summary:
Even in darkest months of winter, your compost heap is a lively part of your garden. It continues to live, work, and grow.
29 April 2013
As tap water is the water of choice most often for dull men, we were glued to the tube watching the report on the testing.
In the United States, towns argue about which town's tap water taste the best. Blind tasting tests take place.
BBC now brings this to the U.K. Their coverage of this event is in the news today.
Many things divide north and south in Britain — not only weather and politics — there's also water.
Fundamentally, tap water across the UK is highly regulated and among the safest in Europe. But that doesn't necessarily cover taste.
Click here to view the taste testing on BBC.
"What's slower than watching paint dry?"
find out in this video about the Pitch Drop Experiment, as reported in the Brisbane Times
Prof Mainstone waiting for the 9th drop
This is a fascinating video. It explains the background and history of the experiment, the fact that, although it appears to be a solid, pitch is actually a liquid, and the failed attempts of seeing one of the pitch drops drop.
Prof Mainstone has been trying for 50 years to see a drop drop. The experiment began in 1927. It is the world's longest-running experiment. Eight drops in 83 years.
Watching paint dry is breathtaking compared to waiting for the next drop from the Queensland University's Pitch Drop Study.
But excitement is rising now. Professor John Mainstone, who has run the experiment since the 1960s, says because a ninth drop looks set to emerge from the pitch block in the very near future.
Read more: Breaking News from Pitch Drop Experiment — 9th drop may drop soon
"Penguin Awareness Days" Facebook Page
Link to the page: https://www.facebook.com/PenguinAwarenessDays
My bag arriving . . . yesterday morning . . . Terminal 1 at London's Heathrow
airport . . . carousel rotating counterclockwise ("anticlockwise" in English English)
We dull men like lifts/elevators. We like to ride them. We especially like it when there's more than one in the building — we like to race them.
But there's a new one that may cause problems for us — click on the photo to watch a video about it:
do it now
desktop
http://pinterest.com/amylynnbarrett/a-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place/
Dear DMC,
The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain - tragically, one of the very few things still great about Great Britain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFoS9bho2Ww&list=FLEvYguWXEuuB3IcCNkAOjmQ&index=1
From Ha-Ha Moment
-----------
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Dear Ha-Ha,
Thanks for this. Truly great sounds.
Not only ukuleles and other string instruments but also whistling, humming, and some amazing sound effects.
DMC
Dull men often like to drink an Arnold Palmer (iced tea and lemonade.) It's less exciting than drinks made from alcohol.
The question has arises: how does Arnold Palmer order an Arnold Palmer?
NBC Today Show: "Has the U.S. become an exaggeration nation"
A segment about exaggeration in the U.S. on NBC's Today Show yesterday caught our attention.
We often wonder that. Why does everything have to be ether the "best" or the "worst"?
A DMC member sent this to us today:
There was a knock on the front door this morning.
I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said, "Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
I said, "Come in and sit down."
I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked "What do you want to talk about?"
He said, "Beats me, nobody ever let me in before."
It'll be fine with me if you post this on Dullog but please don't show my name. I wish to remain anonymous. I don't want a stream of Witnesses flooding to my door.
Regards,
Anonymous DMC Member
“Happiness is seeing my bag arriving at the carousel” . . . said by Grover Click at the Phoenix airport last night.
"It's one of the things that makes my trip successful. Looking at it another way, if the bag had not arrived, just think of how bad the trip would be."
Grover also tell us that the carousel was rotating clockwise. That's opposite from what we report in our Airport Luggage Carousels Report. We'll be researching this further.
I hope you will add the Museum of Independent Telephony in Abilene, Kansas to your website.
The majority of the museum is walls of telephones. In addition, I understand they have added a section on ceramic and glass insulators and another dedicated to telephone dials.
For a couple of years, for some reason, I've been noticing burned out headlights. It seemed like headlights were burned out a lot, and usually the drivers side (left in US). Another "Dull Club" friend of mine suggested doing a survey to see what the "truth" really was.
At first we didn’t think this new product, Spray-On Sports Car, would be of any use to dull men.
But then we realized that, if the time ever comes when they want to sell their dull car, this product will enhance the car’s resale value.
A man from Plainfield, Illinois, Veniamin Balika, was arrested for stealing cheese. The arrest was made at a truck stop in New Jersey, the Vince Lombardi Service Area, after a tip-off from an informant.
Balika was caught red handed with 1,135 cases of cheese, 42,000 pounds of cheese. It was produced by K&K Cheese LLC in Cashton, Wisconsin.
It was Muenster cheese.
You can read more about this in the Chicago Tribune:
I don't have a car so roundabouts don't feature much in my dull existence, but roundabout art is something I'm getting into thanks to this great site:
It's a Dutch site but, even if you don't understand the language, there are dozens and dozens of great photos of roundabouts.
D. Ull
It's rare that a dull man is bold enough to pull an April Fool's Joke on someone.
Except perhaps the one about Paint That Never Dries that he might try out on fellow dull men.
There are some great ones, however, that we can't help laughing over:
+ 
Paint That Never Dries
Mixing motor oil with paint prevents the paint from drying.
Dear DMC
Here is a seasonal story:
Best wishes
Steve Reszetniak
London
Dear DMC
Twitter may seem a little too exciting for us. But can I recommend that Dull Men follow Commander Chris Hadfield, commander of the International Space Station - @Cmdr_Hadfield
The nurse brought a lunch tray to Norman Cousins who was in a hospital "laughing his way to wellness." The nurse also brought Mr. Cousins a cup for a urine specimen, saying that when convenient he should put a specimen in the cup, that she'd pick it up when she came back to pick up the tray.
Read more: April Fool's Day pranks coming up — here's a classic prank by Norman Cousins
To:
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Just thought you'd like to see a picture of our group small but growing club. We've averaging about a dozen guys each week which I think is pretty good for a new club only 2 months old.
We've set up a Facebook Group: "Airport Luggage Carousels."
Read more: New Facebook Group for "Airport Luggage Carousels"
Although it's too soon to tell for sure, so far it looks like the new pope not only was elected pope, he is a candidate for our list of Dull Men of the Year.
• Does things in line with our motto "Celebrating the Ordinary."
• Modest, plain, humble.
Read more: Pope Francis — candidate for Dull Man of the Year ?
Alastair and John Moffatt, brothers from Gloucester, set a new world record for parallel parking — only 13.1 cm (5.2 inches) of space between the cars.
Read more: New Guinness World Record — for tightest parallel parking
As we were reading about "Perils of Perfection," what came to mind were accidental inventions like penicillin, microwave ovens, Velcro, Ivory Soap.
Penicillin
Would not have been discovered if a petri dish had not been left uncovered.
Microwave Oven
Read more: "Pearls of Non-perfection": inventions resulting from flaws
Rhod Gilbert, Welsh comedian, arriving in Australia for a two-month tour is greeted by a luggage problem — click here.
The carousel his "luggage" arrived on was going counterclockwise, at least that's what his gestures tell us.
Arizona is the only state in the United States that does not recognize daylight saving.
Saskatchewan is the only Canadian province that does not have it either.
Probably because of "The Old Indian."
Heidi, a rabbit, in life jacket — from BBC News Dorset
Dear DMC
Here is some delightful non-news: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-21647280
Best wishes
Steve Reszetniak
Enfield
Here's our synopsis of this uplifting news:
Heidi, a four-year-old rabbit from Dorset, has been undergoing hydrotherapy treatments for arthritis.
Read more: Great news: arthritic rabbit responding positively to hydrotherapy
Silicon Valley can fix anything? — “there’s an app for that”?
"The Perils of Perfection" in today's New York Times is about techies in Silicon Valley’s who are seeking to develop apps that will debug everything that is thought be undesirable. Flaws and failings will become things of the past.
Read more: "The Perils of Perfection" – Silicon Valley eliminating boredom?
http://travel.cnn.com/worlds-best-drinking-water-232371?hpt=hp_c3
Reports are in now from the 23rd annual Berkley Springs Water Tasting.
TIPS FOR STARTING A DULL MEN’S CLUB
by Dick Nickerson, Pembroke DMC
From my experience here in Pembroke, here are a few ideas that might be useful.
I suggest working with your Local Council on Aging or whatever exists in your local area. If they have a monthly newsletter put in an article. You might also approach the local churches they might be able to help you spread the word.
Don’t forget to put an article in your local newspaper, radio station and the local announcement page on cable TV.
Read more: Tips for Starting a Dull Men's Club Meeting — from Pembroke, Massachusetts
Where and When
Pembroke, Massachusetts
In parade celebrating 300th Anniversary of Pembroke
Meets 10:00 a.m every Wednesday
Pembroke Senior Center
144 Center Street
Pembroke, MA 02359
781-294-8220
FAX: 781-293-5801
Pembroke Senior Center
--------------------------------------------------
They're on Facebook — click here
Southborough, Massachusetts
Meets 10:00 a.m. every Friday
Southborough Senior Center
9 Cordaville Road
Southborough, MA zip
(508) 229-4453
From a recent edition of the senior center's newsletter:
"Some men just want to talk about simpler times. the Dull Men's club will meet every Friday morning at the Southborough Senior Center to enjoy simple, ordinary things—even if they're a bit dull."
Southborough Senior Center
Rapid City, South Dakota
Valparaiso, Indiana
Starting a meeting in your town?
We've assembled suggestions that might help:
• Tips from Pembroke — click here
• More tips — click here
• Topics — for lively discussions at meetings — click here
"Interesting Fact: There's a Yawning Need for Boring Professors" is the headline of an article in today's Wall Street Journal.
Subtitle: "The Study of Monotony Sees a Burst of Activity."
The article points out:
• Boredom studies are becoming an exciting field of inquiry.
• There is a boomlet in boredom studies.
• Boredom researchers contend theirs is a fascinating field.
• "Boredom is a gold mine," says a neuroscientist at a university in Ontario.
Drying laundry
"Boredom is in the eye of the beholder" — "One man's trash is another man's treasure."
Could it be that activities being researched are actually exciting to us dull men — what we call "Safe Excitement" on dullmensclub.com.
For example, watching these videos:
• Video of man mowing lawn
• Video of learning English as second language
• Video of hanging laundry out to dry
• Video about setting up a fish farm
Speaking of the Wall Street Journal, we too were in it — last July: "Area Man Joins Organization Where Nothing Much Ever Happens."
Informative and amusing — TED talk about how to save paper towels by using only one. Joe Smith enthusiastically demonstrates how this is done by first shaking hands 12 times and then using only one towel — after having folding the towel properly.
Joe says his method, if used by everyone, would save over 12 billions pounds of paper every year.
Read more: TED Talk: "How to use a paper towel" by Joe Smith
"Dull and Loving It, " an article in American Way, the inflight magazine of American Airlines (January 15 edition), is a vibrant portrait of a Pembroke Dull Men's Club meeting.
Click on image above to get to the article
Dear DMC,
Profound dullness: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/20/world/europe/in-norway-tv-program-on-firewood-elicits-passions.html
Lenore Rosenberg
New York
February 20, 2013
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"Bark Up or Down? Firewood Splits Norwegians" is the headline of this New York Times article.
What is it that's dividing Norway? It's bark.
What does not divide Norway? It the love of discussing Norwegian wood.
"By doing less you might accomplish more" concludes a study by Stanford's Communication Between Humans & Interactive Media Lab.
"It's impossible to process more than one string of information at a time. The brain just can't do it."
"Yet some think people who appear to multitask must have superb control over what they think about and what they pay attention to."
"We kept looking for what they're better at, and we didn't find it," said Ophir, the study's lead author and researcher at the lab.
Click here to read the article.
The "Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners" that was emailed to us recently doesn't reflect behavior of dull men.
It's interesting to read, however. It confirms to us that we are glad we are what we are, and that there are worse things than being a dull man.
Eddy Cutter
Washington DC
TIPS
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining in Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years
ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer,
it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
Dating (inside the family)
[We're keeping these secret]
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
From WBTV, Charlotte Virginia, click on image to view
As Food Editor of this website, I naturally spend time at supermarkets. When at supermarkets in the burbs I'm often annoyed at the shopping carts left throughout the parking lots.
I'm delighted there's a Return Shopping Carts Month. It's now — the whole month of February.
The problems and solutions about these wandering carts is nicely explained in the video "Common Cart Courtesy" I came across from WBTV, Charlotte Virginia.
More info about this month is on our Calendar.
Herb Aceous
New York
"Who, What Why? Why do criminals smuggle garlic"
a recent BBC news article
Dear DMC
Is this the dullest possible crime?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20976887
Best wishes
Steve Reszetniak
Enfield, North London
-------
Steve
These criminals will be the laughing-stock of the prison they're sent to.
How will "I'm in for garlic smuggling" sound to fellow inmates — drug dealers, car thieves, embezzlers?
DMC
Dear DMC,
My suggestion for dull man of the year is Harry Reid.
Boring. Speaks in monotone voice. Dull dresser.
Emil Bentgen
Cross Junction, Virginia
We googled his name coupled with the word “dull.” An fitting comment showed up [click here], apparently from someone watching him on TV:
Harry Reid is talking . . . DULL . . . DULL . . . DULL.
Does he ever get excited?
Cannot imagine the man having sex.
He is the most boring man to ever speak.
He needs to be jump started.
Reaction when news of this
nomination reached him
Here's more about a prominent aspect of the Papal Conclave — the means by which results are announced to the world.
Smoke.
Once the ballots are counted, they are burned in a special stove erected in the Sistine Chapel. The smoke escapes through a small chimney visible from St. Peter's Square.
Black smoke until the final vote when it's white smoke.
Dull men will be curious, naturally, as to what causes the black smoke to be black instead of white.
We found the answer thanks to Wikipedia.
Black Smoke. The ballots from an unsuccessful vote are burned along with a chemical compound to create black smoke, or (fumata nera). Years ago wet straw was used to produce the black smoke.But this was not completely reliable. The chemical compound is more reliable than the straw.
White Smoke. When a vote is successful, the ballots are burned alone, sending white smoke (fumata bianca) through the chimney and announcing to the world the election of a new pope.
At the end of the conclave, church bells ring to signal that a new pope had been chosen.
Dear readers,
Here's a Knock Knocker that was relevant here recently:
"Knock knock."
Dear DMC,
My suggestion for dull man of the year is Harry Reid.
Boring. Speaks in monotone voice. Dull dresser.
Emil Bentgen
Cross Junction, Virginia
Read more: Nomination for our list of Dull Men of 2013 — Harry Reid, leader of U.S. Senate
We Dull Men will be looking forward to waiting for and watching
white smoke arise from the Papal Conclave at the College of Cardinals
It's a dull looking roof isn't it.
Reading the rules for the Papal Conclave will provide safe excitement for our members — click here.
Sistine Chapel where the conclave will take place
Even though this year's World of Concrete exposition is now over, there still are concrete things we can continue to enjoy.
"Sound of Cement"
We like the rhythmic sounds — click here to listen
We like to watch concrete being poured
We like to watch concrete set
• Dull men are reliable
• They are handy to have around the house
• Especially handy to have in the kitchen – they love to do the washing up
• When driving, unlike some men who believe “Real Men Don’t Read Maps,” dull men love to read maps
• And, afterwards, know how to fold up the maps
A dull man keeps the fridge sorted
QUOTES
"I like my dull man because he's always home. I don't worry when I can't find my keys."
Ellen in New York
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324590904578287952597599648.html
Dull men have fond memories of Muzak
One of our DMC members, an easy-listening music composer, has written for Muzak
Mike in his post office at Penn State
Mike epitomizes our motto "Celebrating the Ordinary." He's having a great time doing what is often thought of as a dull job — and customers enjoy it too. "I don't mind waiting in line, even though I need only one stamp," a customer says. There often are ten to twelve customers in line.
Mike is the sole employee at the campus post office at Penn State University. He's had the job since 1978.
Post office employees often are candidates for "Disgruntled Employees of the Month." But not Mike. "If you're gong to be someplace for eight hours, make it fun not only for yourself but for costumers as well," says Mike.
Dear DMC
Monopoly just became a slightly less dull game with the retirement of the iron token.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/monopoly-gamers-choose-cat-replace-iron/story?id=18413338
Here’s how HIGNFY reported this on Twitter:
“A cat token is to replace the iron in a new edition of Monopoly, after seeing off competition from a robot, helicopter and a Tesco Express.”
Best wishes
Steve Reszetniak
Enfield, North London
Click on this to order from Amazon
Dear Mr Click,
Mr Wilks's suggestion to have a State Funeral in Hyde Abbey (Winchester) seems rather colourful. [Click here to see the comment, it's at the end of the blog posting about King Alfred.]
It occurs to me that if such an event were to receive Royal Sanction, then it might be appropriate to plan the event for November or February when the weather is appropriately sombre and Her Majesty's Guards wear grey greatcoats to protect themselves from inclement weather.
As most members of the Royal Family are Colonels-in-Chief of one or other of the Guards Regiments, they could also wear grey coats so that all present reflected the dignity of the occasion.
Tim Ditchbank
Winchester
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Tim,
That's a good idea, especially the grey coats — our favorite colour.
DMC
849 - 899
5 February 2013
The race is on now that Richard III was found in a Leicester car park — to find out where King Alfred is around Winchester (as suggested on Radio 4 Today).
Read more: "The hunt is on" — for King Alfred — now that Richard III's been found
Proof that England is a safe place for dull men to be — where the most exciting news is discovering 528-year-old bones?
We've been able so far to cope with the excitement — by enjoying the jokes:
We dull men don't need this sign. We know now to count. We like to count. It's one of the things we do best.
A 200-year-old law forbidding women to wear trousers in Paris has finally been revoked.
Is this a reason now for men to visit Paris? — to see women wearing pants?
We thought men, except of course for dull men, went to Paris to see women wearing little or nothing — Moulin Rouge, etc.
Click here for the news about this — reported in The Telegraph.
I didn't know until this weekend that there's a website London Review of Breakfasts. I read about it in an article "The meaning of breakfast" in the Weekend Edition of the Financial Times.
Breakfast is a meal dull men really enjoy. As we typically go to bed early (we don't get out much), we are up early. And hungry.
We identify with the comment on the website: "We love the comforting crackle of a grill full of bacon and the promising hiss of a tea-bound kettle."
Dear DMC,
Brain damage, unfortunately, comes to mind when I read the Super Bowl hoopla.
Am not referring here to brain damage of people attending and apparently enjoying the razzle-dazzle, although one does wonder about that.
Am referring to brain damage to players — the disturbing fallout from football and similar damgerous sports that has now even reached the litigation stage: http://nflconcussionlitigation.com
-------
Read more: Super Bowl 47 — "brain damage"? — that's what comes to mind for a physician
Peter Willis, retired postman in England, intends to photograph all of Britain's 115,000 postboxes. So far, he has photographed 2,500 of them. He started when he retired in 2007.
Today Peter was interviewed on BBC Radio 4, click here to listen.
Read more: Peter Willis — photographing letter boxes — makes it onto our list of Dull Men of 2012
Here is some seasonably dull news from Yorkshire. Unfortunately the card in question is not grey, but otherwise Mr Myers seems to have got the right idea.
Regards
Steve Reszetniak
Enfield, NorthLondon
According to research recently announced, pygmy goats develop "accents" as they grow up.
Dear DMC
Another suggestion for 2012's Dull Man of the Year nominees — the Swede who survived two months in his car:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2012/feb/20/car-peter-skyllberg-survived-two-months
Dull Men love slippers. Slippers are always a safe bet for a Valentine's gift give to a Dull Man.
Slippers can be found is all clothing and department stores.
We've come across some we particularly like — pictured above. We especially like the color. They are the ones pictured above. The are from Magellan's Travel Supplies:
These slippers are:
• Comfortable and practical
Rod Stewart is not only in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (inducted in 1994), he's also been on on the cover of Model Railroader magazine.
I'm proud to be a railway modeler," he said in an interview for the magazine. "It means more to me to be on the cover of Model Railroader than to be on the cover of a music magazine."
His model train layout, 1,500 square feet, takes up most of the third floor of his Beverly Hills mansion. It has more than 100 buildings, some over five feet tall.
Read more: Rod Stewart, Model Railroader — one of our Dull Men of the Year
Dear DMC
This is possibly the most interesting thing in Enfield, North London.
Steve R
Enfield
Read more: Enfield, North London — do you know what it's famous for?
Today is the day after Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. But it doesn't mean we can't continue appreciating bubble wrap.
We are always on the lookout for Safe Excitement. Popping bubble wrap is an example.
If you have an iPhone, you don't even need bubble wrap to pop. There are apps for this. The leading one, so we understand, is "Bubble Free" by Orsome. Over ten million downloads.
Read more: Bubble Wrap — iPhone app provides Safe Excitement
Hillary might be bored in Washington [click here] and Sasha as well [click here] — but Bill isn't:
Bill at the Inagural
No one has ever suggested Bill as a candidate for the Dull Men's Club. This, once again, confirms that.
A shade now for our 50 shades
We've had a new icon designed for our iPhone app. How do you like it?
If you've already downloaded the app, you can update it now to get the version with the new shade.
If you haven't downloaded the app yet, you can download it from here: https://itunes.apple.com/app/id583622678?mt=8
Dear DMC
Bullund airport, Denmark (Legoland): clockwise
Michael-John Gornall
Stamford, Lincolnshire
23 January 2013
Inaugural Speech: Boring? This might be the case:
Sasha, Second Daughter, listening
For dull men and other readers of this who have not viewed the speech, here it is: http://www.policymic.com/articles/23773/youtube-obama-inaugural-speech-watch-the-video-and-read-the-full-transcript
Squirrel Racing? Yesterday, Squirrel Appreciation Day [click here], we found pictures of Squirrel Racing on Google Images [see below]. But can't find articles or blog postings about these races. Can anyone help us? [ This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to email us]. We'd like to add Squirrel Racing to our Races Page.
Rounding a curve
Full speed ahead
Finish Line
Exhausted
A local Dull Men's Club is starting up at the Southborough Senior Center:
Fridays at 10:00 a.m.
9 Cordaville Road, Southborough, Massachusetts.
The Southborougn Daily Voice reports that some men just want to talk about simpler times. The Dull Men's Club will meet every Friday morning to enjoy simpler ordinary things — even if they're a bit dull.
Read more: Breaking News: DMC local meeting starts today in Southborough Massachusetts
The day Albert Einstein feard most may have arrived
Having coffee with friends
The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article "Nudists Seek Corporate Sponsor Looking for Greater Exposure."
Article's subtitle: "The American Association for Nude Recreation is on a bare hunt."
Read more: "Nudists Seek Corporate Sponsor Looking for Greater Exposure"
New Year's in Moscow x 2 — double your pleasure, double your fun
Did you know that there are two New Year's in Russia?
There's good news in this. Not only double the New Year's Eve parties. There's a second chance at New Year's Resolutions.
Alfred C. Fuller (1985-1973)
Original Fuller Brush Man
founder of the Fuller Brush Company
Are any readers of this old enough to remember Fuller Brush Men?
His simple strategy for success: saying humble.
When reading, in a biography of him, that he was fired from his first three jobs, he remarked, It's quite evident why I became self-employed — I had no choice."
Click here to read his fascinating biography, at least it's fascinating for dull men to read.
Fuller brushes are still available:
Dear DMC,
Here's something possibly for the website's Collections & Museums page.
I've heard about New Englanders who were notorious for saving everything — “it might come in handy some day.”
When one of them died, the executor found his house crammed with boxes, contents neatly labeled.
"Pieces of String Too Short to Save" was a label on one of the boxes.
As we reported to you in late December, on New Year's Eve many of us Dull Men would be staying in (we don't get out much anyway) to practice writing 2013.
The reports are in now. It's been a resounding success. Not a single member has made a mistake and written 2012 on a check or other item after New Year's Eve.
From our Facebook Page:
Watching bread rise might be an appropriate activity for dull men, especially if the dough hasn't been salted and slow rise yeast is used.
Anticipating the eventual baking of a solid, bland loaf of bread can be a tonic for the nerves.
Jim Lipton
-------------
That's right Jim, an appropriate activity indeed. It falls into our Safe Excitement category of things on our website.
There are several YouTube videos of bread rising. The picture above is from this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1w09QKf9GU
Some might have a problem with this one, however, as it's a time lapse view of bread rising, perhaps appearing to rise too fast.
"Parking Signs, Clutered and Confusing for Decades,
Are Revamped at Last," from The New York Times
NYC's transportation commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan said the old signs are "a cross between an Excel spreadsheet and a totem pole."
Right up our alley of "Celebrating the Ordinary", a beginners course of ukulele lessons — at The Idler Academy — 81 Westbourne Park Road, London — 0207 221 5908 — click here for info and sign up
Danny Wooton — "Ukulele Teacher to the Stars"
Dear DMC,
Reading the Dullog posting "New Year's Resolutions for Aspiring Entrepreneurs" — especially Resolution 9 "I will focus on just one thing" — reminded me of something I came across on YouTube — a good (and amusing) example of not focusing on just one thing — click here
Brian Blandford
London
According to an article we came across — “New year’s resolutions for aspiring entrepreneurs” by Francisco Dao — resolving to lose weight or start going to the gym is not good enough for aspiring entrepreneurs. They resolve to start companies.
Read more: New Year's Resolutions for Aspiring Entrepreneurs
Dear DMC,
I recall in prior years, for New Year's you had something on your website from Dear Abby about a day at a time. I really liked that, Are you going to have it this year?
Maxwell House
Glenview Illinois
----------
Dear Maxwell,
Thanks for reminding us of this. It comes from Dear Abby, click here.
It's a great way to live.
Here's the first part of it:
Just for today I will live through this day only.
I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.
I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
DMC
Dear DMC — Happy New Year
Here is a seasonal compendium of useless knowledge from the BBC:
Click here to order from The New Yorker
[we mean order the cartoon, not the can]
A reader sent a card to us that is much too exciting — click here to view it.
Some of our members dulled it down some by turning on their mute buttons.
What to you think of it?
Dear DMC
Just been told about your website, it has kept me apathetic for 37 minutes so far.
I have never wanted to visit the US (do Americans really need to be SO enthusiastic?). So forgive me if I am mistaken, but it appears that your Rest Areas equate to our Motorway Service Areas, of which we have a great number.
I feel that a register of service areas along with their facilities would be a suitable addition to your site. Please note that any such list should carry a warning for travelers, who expect these sites to be consistently dull soul-less places, Westmoorland Services on the M6 is in a beautiful location, has polite staff and a varied menu of good quality food and does not represent the norm.
Describing experiences of travel is one of the top activities for Dull Men in the UK, so it is good to note that travel related items feature heavily on your site.
Keep up the good work
Steve
--------------
Dear Steve
As for a register of service areas and their facilities, we found there's one already:
Peter Willis — Worcester, England — photographing all 115,000 postboxes throughout Britain
Ken Myers — Leeds, England — 34 years in a row has given same Valentine's Day card to wife
Rod Stewart — avid model railroader
Iggy — "I've got a lust for slippers"
Simon Beck — England — creates Snow Art while walking on snowshoes
Peter Skyllbeck — Sweden — survived two months in car buried in snow by avalanche
Dr. Alan McElligott — University of London — his research indicates goats have accents
Peter Willis, retired postman, has set out to photograph all of Britain's 115,000 postboxes. So far, he has photographed 2,500. He started when he retired in 2007.
Peter was interviewed this year on BBC Radio 4, click here to listen.
Peter and his wife Diane live in Worcester, county town of Worcestershire in the East Midlands of England.
He has a list of every postbox from Royal Mail. Once he's taken a picture of a box, he strikes it off the list."
Not only does he have the list, he has programmed his GPS to beep when he passes a postbox.
Peter is thrilled that he lives near a rare postbox, one bearing the insignia of King Edward VIII. Only 160 boxes were made during his short reign.
Diane accompanies Peter on many of his trips. She often needs to stand guard when he's out in the middle of a road to get a good shot of a postbox. She also needs to explain to onlookers that Peter is not mad."
Here is some seasonably dull news from Yorkshire. Unfortunately the card in question is not grey, but otherwise Mr Myers seems to have got the right idea.
http://www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/latest-news/top-stories/husband_sends_same_valentine_s_day_card_for_34th_year_in_a_row_1_4243868
Regards
Steve Reszetniak
London
--------
That's right, Mr Myers evidently is one of us . . . steadfast to the nth degree . . . likely will be nominated for our list of Dull Men of the Year.
Grover
According to research recently announced, pygmy goats develop "accents" as they grow up.
This groundbreaking research by Dr Elodie Briefer and Dr Alan McElligott at Queen Mary's School of Biological and Chemical Science at the University of London was published in Animal Behaviour.
Should Dr McElligott be nominated for Dull Man of the Year 2012? (Dr Briefer can't be a nominee — she's the wrong gender.)
Or should the goats be nominated?
Here's the URL for an article about this research on BBC Nature News: http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/17061101
Dear DMC
Another suggestion for 2012's Dull Man of the Year nominees — the Swede who survived two months in his car:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2012/feb/20/car-peter-skyllberg-survived-two-months
Spring will come, sooner or later.
Yours sincerely
FrançoisGojat
Wimereux, France
February 20, 2012
-------------
Dear François
We used to think of Sweden as a dull country. Except for Stieg Larsson thrillers, Sweden is generally regarded as a dull country. This news about spending two months in a car buried in snow reaffirms the dull image of Sweden.
Thanks for sending this to us.
DMC
I'm catching up on reading the Sunday Times from last Sunday. I read 'I've got a lust for . . . slippers'. It's an article about Iggy, who the article describes as the godfather of punk.
But might he now be one of us dull men?
Not only does he lust for slippers, according to the article:
• He likes to potter — walks around the garden, smells the flowers, listens to the waterfall, watches the clouds
• He's a big cloud fancier
• He's ploughing through de Tocqueville's Democracy in America
• Goes to bed at 10:00 p.m., sometimes even earlier
Here's the article: http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/Magazine/a_life_in_the_day/article985699.ece
Bryce Blandford
London
For Dull Men, this Snowsuit Issue, compared to
the Swimsuit Issue, is much more suitable [pun intended]
Dear DMC
From what I've seen about you guys, you are so nice — do you really need to make any New Year's Resolutions?
One your mottos is "Predicatble Reliable Safe" — it's on the back of a cap I have:
"Predictable Reliable Safe" — I don't see how you can get any better than that.
Fondly
Victoria Valmont
London
Floss more
Clean slippers
Arrange fridge by sell-by dates at least every fortnight
Fill our staplers
Phone mother
Brush our Hush Puppies
Check on slippers
Eat Velveeta, not brie
Drink club soda, not Perrier
I you can't resist eating Ben and Jerry's, eat only their vanilla (it's wonderful [exclamation point removed])
Balance checkbook
Check on slippers
An exciting topic for Dull Men's Club meetings this time of year, especially for our apostrophizer members, is whether it should be "Seasons Greetings" or "Season's Greeting"?
Sincerely,
Graham Marr
Breaking News — Santa candidate for Dull Men's Club membership:
Sweden: Foreigner angered over gray Santa outfit
Associated Press – Tue, Dec 25, 2012
STOCKHOLM (AP) — Police in Sweden had to intervene after a foreign visitor to a spa and conference center grew angry because a visiting Santa Claus was wearing a gray instead of red costume.
In the current issue of The Atlantic there's a gripping article "Wrappers' Delight: A Brief History of Wrapping Paper."
The article credits two brothers, Joyce and Rollie Hall, with starting the use of decorative wrapping paper in the U.S. — in their stationery store in Kansas City Missouri in 1917.
Read more: "Wrappers' Delight: A Brief History of Wrapping Paper"
Snowglobes are a wonderful. They are fun to watch. A great way to enjoy winter. You can watch snow without having to go outdoors where it's cold and you get wet from real snow.
Read more: Snowglobes — Day 6's suggestion on our 12 Days of Christmas Gifts for Dull Men
Dear DMC,
I'm not sure what the overall position of you dull guys is on guns. But as you like avoid extremes, like Extreme Ironon (I agree with you about ironing on mountaintops, by the way, ironing in the basement is just fine), I expect you don't see the need for such easy access to assault weapons.
So I thought you will enjoy the picture above, which could well be what Rockwell would paint today is he were still with us.
From a DMC fan,
Nancy Newsome
Stockbridge, Massachusetts
Breaking news report in the Seattle Times: video of a suitcase's trip through the local airport.
A fitting video for us Dull Men to enjoy. Our website has the world's largest report on airport luggage carousels — clockwise or counterclockwise?
Now, on this video, we can actually see what happens to luggage on the way to a carousel.
A real treat indeed.
Click here to watch the video: http://video.seattletimes.com/2050542026001/
December 23, 2012
Myrrh
Dull Men are often shy. Conversations can be difficult. Give him myrrh — a good conversation starter.
Myrrh was of course a gift at the original Christmas. According to Matthew 2:11, three Kings from the East brought gifts of myrrh to Jesus.
Assorted lots of myrrh, probably like what
the Three Kings brought to Bethlehem
Myrrh Trees
Available online, click here for an example
The picture above explains how the forecast for yestesrday came about — interesting indeed.
Sincerely,
Joe Kerr
New York
Old Fashioned Metronomes
Old fashioned metronomes can be bought at music stores and from online stores.
Click here to get to a big online music store we found on the
web that has many metronomes like the elegant one above
Online Metronome
Click here for an online metronome. It's easy to use right now. Simply choose a tempo on the dial, then click the "ON" button:
Metronome Apps
There are many metronome apps for iPhones, iPods, and iPads.
Ramping it up— Extreme Metronoming
Click here for a YouTube video of 100 metronomes.
It's not going to happen:
French police at Bugarach are prepared, however — just in case:
Dear DMC,
Before I retired I was in the habit of bringing home the plastic tubes that came inside the paper used in the large laser printer thinking they might be more useful at my house than in the landfill.
I might have been mistaken. But looking at them today, after receiving the latest DMC Newsletter, I had a thought.
Could they be cut to various lengths to make a musical instrument? If so, would anyone want to form a Gray Men Group to play said instrument?
Anonymous
December 20, 2012
Dear DMC,
Shortly after I'd downloaded and played around with the new app Favorite Shades of Gray, I heard an nice story about the book Fifty Shades of Grey. I attach the story below. If confirms what I thought — the new app is much safer for us Dull Men than the book.
Henry Morris
McLean, Virginia
-----------------
Story:
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates were really upset that he couldn’t go, but what could they do?
Two days later the three get to the camping site to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, dinner cooking on the fire — and sitting down having a cold beer.
“Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?’”
“I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom."
"The room had candles and rose petals all over. Apparently she's been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes [exclamation point removed] She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did."
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
"So, here I am guys. Grab yourselves some beers."
Dull Men love slippers. Slippers are always a safe bet for a Christmas gift give to a Dull Man.
Slippers can be found is all clothing and department stores. Recently we came across some we like. Particularly their color. They are the ones pictured above. The are from Magellan's Travel Supplies: http://www.magellans.com/men-s-travel-slippers
These slippers are:
• Comfortable and practical
• Comfortable because they have cushioned soles — as well as small ridges that massage as you walk (nothing exciting, only a mild massaging suitable for Dull Men)
• Practical because they prevent feet contacting with bad things around swimming pools, locker rooms, etc. — like viruses that cause plantar warts
• Practical because they prevent slipping on slipery surfaces (so why are they called "slippers?")
* Practical because they are washable
* Easy to slip on (is this why they are called "slippers"?)
* Perfect when traveling — they come with a travel case or simply lay them out flat in your suitcase
* Even sturdy enough for short jaunts outdoors
• They come in a gray/black. Also solid black.
Christmas Quackers
——————————
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Ho Ho Ho
——————————
Why does Santa go down the chimney?
It soots him
——————————
What's Santa's favorite cereal?
Frosties
——————————
Where does Santa stay when he travels?At the Ho Ho Hotel
——————————
Why would you remove your door bell?
To win the no bell prize
——————————
How does the Pacific Ocean greet the Atlantic Ocean?
It waves
——————————
What did the snowman say to the other snowman who was standing next to him?
I think I smell carrots
——————————
What do you give a railway station master for Christmas?
Platform shoes
Christmas Crackers — a British Tradition — History and Background
For viewers of this page who are not familiar with the British Christmas tradition of Christmas crackers, we'd like to offer some background.
Christmas crackers are brightly colored paper tubes that are placed on each plate at Christmas parties.
The tube is constructed so that, when pulled on each end, the tube "cracks" open. A paper slip with a joke on it and a paper crown fall out.
Christmas crackers were invented by Thomas Smith in 1846 when he was visiting Paris. He came across a bon-bon, which is a sugar-almond wrapped in tissue paper. Smith began importing bob-bons to England.
The bob-bons sold well in England at Christmas but not at other times of the year.
In the 1850s, Smith started putting mottoes in the bob-bons. As many of the bon-bons were bought by men to give to women, many of the mottos were love poems.
In 1860, Smith added the banger — two strips of chemically impregnated paper that made a cracking sound when pulled apart.
Over time, jokes replaced the love poems.
More information about this can be found on this website: http://resources.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/xmas/crackers.html
——————————
The Vision Toaster by Magimix:
Experience the only see-thru toaster — a viewing window that lets you watch the toasting process in action.
Click here to view it on Magimix's website. You'll see that it comes in four colors. Most Dull Men will want the cream one, certainly not the red one, and probably not black or silver.
Click here to watch it on YouTube. We should warn you, however — it might be too exciting for you — it shows toast popping up.
Fifteen years of research and development led to the ultimate toaster for us Dull Men. We've been hoping for a toaster like this so we could watch toast toast. Now we have it — a toaster with a panoramic view of toast toasting.
Magimix Managing director Simon Kinder, in an article “Transparent toaster sees end of burnt toast” in The Telegraph said they could have rushed the product into production four years ago but held off because they wanted it to be perfect.
Kinder said, “The idea is incredibly simple and we started with the concept of creating a toaster where you could watch the toast browning 15 years ago. The problem was that we wanted to create something very simple which worked perfectly and did not obscure the view of the toast. We tested it to destruction and now we are happy we have a brilliant product which is well designed and looks great at the same time.”
“The response has been phenomenal,” Kinder added.
The article ends with fascinating points about the history of toast and toasting:
- The word “toast” came from the Latin word “tostum,” which means scorch or burn.
- Romans spread toast across Europe.
- The modern toaster were invented by Frank Shailor, a technician with GE, who created his D12 toaster in 1909.
- Shailor invented his toaster so people could still eat bread that was going stale.
- After a decade of people getting their fingers burnt, the first pop-up toaster was invented in 1919.
- The first automatic toaster, the Toastmaster, was invented in 1926.
- Once a machine to slice bread was invented — invented in 1928 by Otto Frederick Rohwedder who lived in Chillicothe, Missouri — no home could be without a toaster.
Here’s the URL to The Telegraph article in case you want to read more about toasters: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6931661/Transparent-toaster-sees-end-of-burnt-toast.html
Click here to start heading to Apple's App Store to download
It's a free app. It'll make a great "Stocking Stuffer" for Christmas.
The app features 50 shades of gray. The shades are numbered, which make them even more interesting for Dull Men.
If you don't find your favorite shade on it, please send your favorite shade to us and we'll get it on the next version.
After you've viewed the shades on the screen titled "50 Shades" (the second screen of the app), you can take the Poll by clicking on the button that says "Poll" in the upper right corner of that screen.
The poll asks users to indicate their favorite shades, both for standalone gray and two-tone gray.
We're looking forward to reading results from the poll and tabulating them.
12 Days of Gifts — Dull Men's Club Suggestions
We are starting a 12-day series of suggestions for Christmas gifts.
We are still working on the list. If you have suggestions for it, please email them to us: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Dear DMC,
I'm not sure whether admitting my fondness for Twinkies, Ho Hos, Cupcakes, and Ding Dongs will jeopardize my DMC membership. I hope it won't.
I've been following the outcome of Hostess Bakeries — I just now heard some breaking news about what'll be happening to the various parts of the company.
Joe Kerr
New York
PS: I also liked Wonder Bread
In the YouTude video "The Dreaded Stairs" attached below, there are stairs next to an escalator.
At first almost no one took the stairs — 97% took the escalator.
Then a few engineers decided to change the percentages around.
From Herb Aceous, Food Editor, DullMensClub.com
1. No need to worry about salmonella
2. Guests will think your turkey is Cajun blackened
3. Uninvited guests will think twice next year
4. Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain
new fans
5. Pets won't bother you for scraps
6. No one will overeat
7. Smoke alarm due for a test
8. Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular
workout
9. You'll get to desserts quicker
10. After dinner, take the bird to the yard and play football
11. You won't be putting up with three weeks of turkey sandwiches
Now explain it to her:
Christmas Card — in stunning two-tone gray:
Dear DMC,
With Thanksgiving arriving, I think we need to recognize what clever birds turkeys are. Their survival skills are amazing.
Robert Parrish
Grand Junction, Colorado
When thanksgiving rolls around, we Dull Men are thankful for:
- Turkey dinner — turkey, the blandest of meats
- All those boring conversations at Thanksgiving Dinner
- The bleak weather that arrives in November
- The fact that color has gone — gone from trees, shrubs, and grass
- Leaves are everywhere — they are so much fun to rake
- There's also snow — it's so much fun to shovel
- That fact that they are not turkeys
The actual, uncensored sound track from the fall was leaked to YouTube. I came across it recently. It scared the bejesus out of me.
It proves that jumping from a plane like this clearly is not for us Dull Men.
Click here to listen to it.
E.Z. Pace
Indianapolis, Indiana
Dear DMC,
We Dull Men like to work in the kitchen, we're good at it. A favorite thing to do in the kitchen is kneading dough. One of our heroes is the Phillsbury Doughboy.
I saw this sad news in the newspaper:
Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Sign posted once Hurricane Sandy struck
Dear DMC,
DMC members apparently are not the only ones who avoid excitement. It looks like FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) is in the same boat.
Hurricane Sandy was too much for them to deal with?
If hurricanes are too much for FEMA, what kind of emergencies was it set up to handle?
Tom Bland
New York
Dull Men exercising: favorite exercises are strolling, sauntering, meandering. They also amble. Jogging is OK, is slowly. But treadmills should be avoided:
Amazing foresight: Baumgarter drew this when he was five years old
Dear DMC
Felix Baumgartner is unlikely to apply for DMC membership for a while. However this article about his childhood ambitions seems to have attracted some interest from the online community of dull men:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/shortcuts/2012/oct/16/felix-baumgartner-kids-drawings
Best wishes
Steve Reszetniak
London
Shop Amazon - Holiday Gift Cards - Instant Delivery or Free One-Day Shipping
Do you get annoyed with all those subscription solicitation cards that fall out of magazines?
Pop the cards in a mailbox. Let them go back to the magazine company. The company needs to pay the postage even if the cards are not filled out. But if you want to file them out [dull men like to fill out forms], instead of writing your name and address, express your thoughts about these cards.
Read more: Those annoying subscription cards inserted in magazines
Dear DMC,
This ought to keep you busy:
"The Science of Stacking Firewood"
Jim Edwards
Sterling Heights, Minnesota
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Dear Jim,
This is excellent. It's got us thinking. It's given us a great idea.
Read more: Stacking Wood — should be November's Event of the Month?
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Much more suitable for dull men than "Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona is "Running of the Sheep" in Madrid. It takes place the last Sunday of October every year.
Shepherds and sheep dogs take a flock of 2,000 sheep through the streets of Madrid. It's been going on since 1273. Madrid was a rural hamlet back then.
The purpose is make certain sheepherders' droving rights are kept alive.
It's part of the Festival of Transhumance — celebrations along the ancient nomadic path shepherds take when moving their flocks from summer pastures to winter pastures.
There's a task involved with this that dull men can enjoy: counting the sheep to make certain none are left behind.
To watch the parade of sheep on BBC News click here.
There's not much that's dull in Ireland, not even traffic lights.
Dull men like to watch traffic lights change. In Ireland, however, this might be too exciting for them — click here.
Patrick O'Malley
Dublin
Hot off the press, some of "All the News That's Fit to Print" from the New York Times is an article about chickens in a park in Brooklyn.
A NIMBY ("not in my backyard") battle began when members of the Warren-St. Marks Community Garden in Park Slope brought eight clucking hens into the garden.
The pro-chicken residents say the chickens are good to have in the garden. They improve the environment there by eating scraps and contributing to the garden's compost pile.
The anti-chicken residents say the chickens stink and might bring flies, vermin, lead poisoning, and possibly even avian flue into the neighborhood.
We dull men would have enjoyed being at a meeting of local residents Sunday when discussed, in detail, composting and chicken coop wiring. And a city rat consultant explained that the chickens were rat-free.
Hopefully the dispute is resolved soon. "I want to get along with my neighbors — I don't want a chicken to get between me and my neighbor," says Ibon Muhammad, a Warren Street resident since 1980.
To read the NYT article, click here
The folks in Washington DC certainly know how to celebrate the ordinary. Yesterday a special ribbon-cutting ceremony was held for the reopening of the city's subway escalators at the Dupont Circle South Entrance:
The entrance was closed for 8.5 months for a complete rebuilding of the escalators.
It's exciting to read about how the work was done, as reported in huffingtonpost.com:
"Working in a narrow space with the proportions of a drinking straw, the old escalators, each weighing nearly 55 tons, had to be cut into 24 separate sections and individually moved out of the entrance on three separate cranes. Then each section of the new escalators had to be installed 24 sections in all, each traveling on 3 cranes. In total, there were nearly 150 crane picks during the project, many happening late at night with 19th Street closed to vehicular traffic."
Additional articles about this are in myfoxdc.com and in washingtonpost.com.
Members of the Pembroke DMC continue to do stuff that delights readers.
The Boston Globe reports on one of their meetings: http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/2012/10/17/dull-men-club-celebrates-the-ordinary-pembroke/1k8y9FiOYIOgBeo49gZzbM/story.html
A great joke told at the meeting is included in the article:
"One member launched into an amusing story about a drug test that took place at his place of work. He said one of his colleagues refused to urinate in the plastic cup and instead filled it with apple juice. Later on, when the nurse approached the colleague, he grabbed the cup back from her and said, “Here, let me put it through again [exclamation point removed]” He put the cup to his lips, tipped it back, and drank it, as the nurse looked on in horror."
Actually, high winds did this.
It happend near Chappell, Nebraska — near the DMC's back office (our favorite place to work).
Our member there who took this picture said it’s the most exciting thing he’s seen there in quite a while.
Holgate Mill Roundabout, in York
Here's an article no dull man will want to miss:
Cheers
Ian McIver
Brisbane, Australia
-----------------------------------
Wow. A multitasking roundabout. A roundabout that generates power. What will they think of next?
I was gobsmacked," said Kevin Beresford, president of the Roundabout Appreciation Society. Beresford added that this one is the Holy Grail of roundabouts, unlike most roundabouts that are merely "an oasis in a sea of asphalt."
Read more: Holgate's "Roundabout 'round a Windmill" — chosen for 2013 Roundabout Calendar's cover
I was watching CBS's "Sunday Morning" yesterday. There was an amazing story about a traffic copy in LA — Elton Simmons — who has an amazing record of complaints from drivers he's issued tickets to.
Zero complaints. That's for 25,000 arrests over a 20-year period.
Read more: Traffic Cop — a great one — we need many more like this
Prarie Home Companion — next week, October 20: Joke Show — "Pretty Good Jokes"
I was listening to Prairie Home Companion yesterday and the repeat today. They announced that next week's show will have more of their jokes.
If you like the jokes on our Groaners page, you'll like the jokes on Prairie Home Companion.
"You could see it grow," said Ron Wallace of Greene, Rhode Island, grower of a 2009 pound pumpkin.
The pumpkin grew at the rate of 40 pounds a day.
Watching a pumpkin like this growing is a great kind of safe excitement for dull men.
Just as breaking the sound barrier was to aerospace and running the four-minute mile was to sports, the Holy Grail for giant pumpkin people is this one-ton pumpkin. For decades, pumpkin growers have been pursuing this.
CBS News, "One-ton pumpkin shatters weight record, click here
Hello all at the DMC,
I was checking out your calendar for October and noticed that apart from Raking Leaves there is nothing else listed.
Last month you covered events including Bathtubbing, Gurning and Rock Flipping and I wondered if you'd like to list some Crazy Golf events coming up in October and November (the last 5 competitions of 2012).
Read more: Minigolf (much safer for dull men than regular golf)
October 3, 2012
Swanson TV dinner — long a meal of choice for us dull men. That's why we were pleased to see the article "Kid's meal of choice" by Craig Wilson in today's USA Today.
Read more: A kid's meal of choice: Swanson TV Dinner (some years back)
I read that the presidential candidates trying to lower expectations for Wednesday's debate.
It reminds me of an advantage I enjoy as a dull man. We come with lower expectations.
Life's easier. Less is expected of me.
Sincerely,
Wynn Underwood
Columbus Ohio
Kitchen Window
As a card carrying member of the DMC who likes to “Celebrate the Ordinary,” and also a member of one of those 12-step outfits, I thought I’d share with readers something I came across a few days ago: “Don’t overlook the wonder of the ordinary.” It was in a daily email from Hazelden in Minnesota. Here are excerpts:
Don't overlook the wonder of the ordinary.
The extraordinary, the amazing, the phenomenon are daily glorified in the movies, the news, and on television. Our senses become bombarded. We become addicted to drama. The only things that get our attention are the big, catastrophic, knee-jerking events.
Entomologist and pest expert Hal Coleman — better known as “The Internet Bug Guy” — he shares, on video, tips and facts that the insiders — the professional exterminators — don’t want you to know — click here — but be forewarned: there are some exclamation points.
September 28, 2012
October, which will be here in a few days, is Raking Leaves month for us Dull Men.
There's a lot to like about October. Apples. Crisp air. Falling leaves.
Hello
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for a website full of useful information, in particular the list of luggage carousels in airports with has saved me several seconds and given me somewhat of a reputation in the Scandinavian aviation society.
I have been to Arlanda several times and I am fairly certain that the carousels are going counter clockwise. I might of course be mistaken so I implore you to use your, I am sure, vast connections to verify my claim.
Regards
Martin
Stockholm
This is one of the luggage belts at Malaga Airport.
It's a shame I didn't take a video, but you can tell from the way the lady is facing, that the belt is moving in a clockwise direction.
I like belts that travel in a clockwise direction.
Sent from my iPhone.
Tom Ditchfield
Winchester
Hampshire (England)
The club took part in the Pembroke Massachusetts' 300th anniversary parade on Sunday September 23. It was a big event — 16 bands in eight divisions.
We now have new black with gold shirts and matching hats.
The antique car we rode in belongs to member Tiny Brown. The magnetic signs on the sides of the car had the club's logo.
Dick Nickerson
Pembroke DMC
The Dull Man will always wish to ensure when he travels to foreign parts that he takes the power adaptor(s) necessary to connect his electrical appliances to the local supply.
Click here to read the article
The article has "aroused lots of mirth locally [exclmation mark removed]" its author, Jane Bakowski, reports in an email us.
Here is some dull news from Harrogate, Yorkshire, about prize-winning giant vegetables.
The onion in the picture weighs 18 pounds – or as much as two reasonably-sized babies.
http://www.anorak.co.uk/333435/the-consumer/harrogate-autumn-flower-show-photos-of-massive-vegetables.html/
Regards
Steve Reszetniak
London
World Gurning Championships — held Saturday 15 September
in Egremont in Cumbria
Tommy Mattinson, winner
Read more: World Gurning Championships 2012 — Mattinson wins 14th year in a row
Reported in the Ecco:
Two men in a dinghy were almost left stranded after their engine failed in blustery conditions.
The men were just 50 yards off the beach at The Leas, Westcliff [east coast of England] when the dinghy's engine cut out.
- Today: World Gurning Championships — in Egremont in Cumbria — click here
New entrants ? . . . . . . :
-----------------------------------------------------------
Hey, how about me?
There a many art exhibits that are far too exciting for dull men. We came across one, however, that we like. It has only five photos. Five stunning photos of bus stops.
Not only are the photos of something quite ordinary — the bus stops go nowhere. There are no buses.
In fact, they are not even on roads that buses travel on. They are on the grounds of nursing homes in Germany.
They are fake.
They are for patients suffering from dementia. The patients wait at the bus stops until they are escorted back inside or return of their volition, having forgotten where it is they won’t be going that day.
Click here to see all five photos in the magazine. Which one of the five is your favorite?
This week's New Yorker has exhigit of photos by Timo Klos.
Thanks to Gerry Cook and Steve Reszetniak for clueing us in on this
Dear DMC
Here is a real silly season story.
Reports of a lion on the loose in Essex were a slight exaggeration. It was only a big pussycat.
"Was Essex 'Lion' a Pet Cat?, " click here
Regards
Steve Reszetniak
London
---------------------
Thanks Steve.
This will be quite a relief to quite a few of our DMC members, those who are caravaners.
A related article says the police have called off their search:
"Police Call Off Search for Essex Lion, " click here
Now our cavaning members can breath a sign of relief knowing it’s safe to go to St. Osyth Caravan Park again.
DMC
I must admit that I sometimes feel sleepy after a meeting. Now I know that this is due to the heroic amount of energy I expend in sitting down for minutes at a time.
Read more: Gold Medals for Daily Chores—chores burning calories than Olympic events?
Reports from London 2012 are still trickling in. This one is really amusing. Watch all the way to the end if you have the time/ The best part is at the end:
Compass
Level
Have you seen this? Very interesting.
http://flowingdata.com/2012/08/08/celebrating-the-joy-of-metering/
Kurt Kessler
Lexington Kentucky
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